How did I get here...?

About two years ago, my world fell apart. Everything I thought to be true and what I always wanted crumbled in around my feet. I had life-altering decisions to make. Some were made for me. I won't go into all the details here for numerous reasons -- mainly, privacy. But, I was forced into a whole new chapter of life. One I had never been into before. I am not going to lie, it has been hard. Harder than I ever thought it would be - some days are better than others. I'm starting to have more good days than bad.

Overall, I can look back over the last two years and see that I am stronger, and happier than I was then. Do I ever wish I could go back? Absolutely. But, not to those dark, ugly times. My happiness is too important now and there was a lot of turmoil and bad days leading up to the last brick that fell in to cause my world to crumble. But, I chose to not reuse some of those bricks to rebuild my life. I chose some new ones - quite a few new ones. 

I feel like I've been on some sort of diet or "going to start on Monday" plan all of my life. I've always been bigger. The bigger friend, etc. Slowly, about a year and a half ago, I started making better decisions. I was always a binge eater. Someone who ate their feelings: happy, sad, anxious, bored, depressed...whatever, food was involved. You ever notice how that happens? We rarely celebrate without food -- good or bad. I would wake up in the morning and think about what I was going to eat for the rest of the day. $5.00 left in my checking account - what sort of crappy junk food could that buy me? It was a terrible cycle I was on - I hated to see myself in the mirror or in pictures. I couldn't count how many times someone told me "you have a beautiful face". Ugh. Please, for the love, NEVER think that is a compliment. Regardless if you think you're being kind - we hear, your face is pretty but the rest of you needs work. Anyhow, I started eating one plate/serving of something. If I opened a bag of chips, I got out a serving size, closed the bag, put it away and left it there. Same goes with most everything else I ate - I never took the container to the sofa with me. That only ended with me having a stomach ache, empty package and a lot of guilt. I knew that I had a little boy who was watching me. He would pick up on my cues regarding food (and, everything else!). I started logging everything I ate into the app My Fitness Pal and you know what happened? Pounds starting falling off. I started feeling better - physically and mentally. I wasn't letting food rule my thoughts. I started looking to food more as a fuel than a "reward" or a crutch. I'm not going to say I still don't struggle with emotional eating and/or cravings, but I don't give into them as much. If I do, I don't let it sabotage the rest of my day. 

I also went through several months of therapy: cognitive therapy to be exact. It was also life changing and I don't say that to sound cliche. It truly was -- it helped me work through the things going on in my life. How to address things that were happening to me and how to respond to those things. I will forever be grateful for those months of therapy and the fantastic therapist who helped me get through the really hard days. A few months ago, I surrendered to taking medicine for my anxiety and I can't express how much that has changed my life too. I still have episodes of anxiety or dark days, but they are few and far between. If you struggle with these things, please talk to your doctor and don't think of it as being weak to take the medicine. It helps! 

Last December, I bit the bullet and joined the YMCA, despite it not really being in my budget at the time. Somehow, God has provided for us and I never noticed the money being an issue. I started slowly taking a few water aerobics classes because I have a bad knee and let's face it -- I really hated to exercise and sweat. I started adding more classes to my week and now my norm is to exercise six days a week for at least an hour - some days anywhere from and hour and a half to two hours. It has made such a huge difference in my life. I have discovered a love of exercise. I notice that I'm not so winded walking up stairs. I choose to take the stairs (down mostly thanks to my bum knee) but, I am stronger. I have a rather large yard to cut - about three miles of walking - and at the beginning of the summer it was a struggle to get it done. Now, just a couple of months later, I cut it with no issue at all. It really makes me happy to see those small non-scale victories. I've recently added in a muscle definition class and I really enjoy it. I need to add in more weight lifting/strength training to my schedule. 

Lots of things have happened in my 37 years, but that's a brief (OK, maybe not so brief) introduction into how I got here...more to come later. 

To show the progress that I've made: 

The left was around my all-time heaviest weight -- the right was just a few days ago. The changes are not only physical though - my mental strength is better. Fueling your body with better choices in foods (most of the time), exercise, and taking care of yourself is life-changing. 


Thanks for reading! 

Have a blessed day, 
-lisa