Lent: Day Three

Well, I've managed to avoid added sugar foods and simple carbs for the last two days. Last night was really difficult though. I had not planned or prepped anything for our dinner and when I picked Monster up he had been sick the night before. He asked for chicken noodle soup (from the can - GAG). We ended up being stuck by a train blocking the tracks near our home and therefore rerouted to get home -- taking about 45 minutes later than normal. In the past, I would have gone through a drive-thru but I couldn't think of anything that I wanted to eat and without added sugar/carbs [basically, I'm giving up all white starches (still eating sweet potatoes, beans and fruits)] So, I fixed Monster his chicken noodle soup and I put chicken breast and a sweet potato in the oven, grabbed two slices of deli ham, and waited for my chicken to be done. In the meantime, I complained on Twitter (as I often do) about the struggle and some friends stepped up with both recipes/meal ideas and encouragement. I managed to wait out for a good, healthy dinner: chicken, sweet potato and steamed broccoli and cauliflower. While it might seem silly to say - I was proud of myself for not giving in. Hoping to build on every good decision over the next 40 days -- maybe longer. 

Lent: Day One

Despite my religious denomination not participating in the practice(s) of Lent, I have decided to once again try to give something up that I feel has a control over my life. Two years ago, I gave up carbonated drinks and haven't looked back. Food would be the obvious answer. However, unlike other addictions, I have to have food to survive. So, I decided to dig a little deeper and see what food/s I am eating that I am using to replace feelings. I came up with both sugar and simple carbs -- basically, junk foods. For the next forty days, I am going to avoid sugar-laden foods and all white foods (eg. flour, tortillas, etc.). I have done the low-carb diet in the past and was really successful. However, I do not want to give up fruit and some vegetables, oatmeal and beans that a true low-carb diet would call for.

Not only do I hope to replace food as a way to comfort or replace feelings, I hope to drop some weight. I'm using this time as a reset button. A little more time for reflection and meaning...

Here's to day one. Are you doing anything during this season? 

Until next time...

I've been struggling...

It's obvious that I've been quiet since it's been almost a month since I've written anything. I've started a million posts in my head but the thought of opening this page and starting to write both overwhelmed and terrified me. I have been struggling in all areas of my life lately. My anxiety has been ramped up a lot -- to the point that it has woken me up a few times or kept me from falling asleep. In addition to the anxiety, I think I'm struggling with my depression - I'm not sure if it is just a seasonal sort of thing, or what. The days the weather is better and the sun is shining makes me think it may just be SAD. When researching online (I know, I know...) WebMD gave these symptoms as a result of SAD: 

• Feel sad, grumpy, moody, or anxious.
• Lose interest in your usual activities.
• Eat more and crave carbohydrates, such as bread and pasta.
• Gain weight.
• Sleep more but still feel tired.
• Have trouble concentrating.

I can check all of these off the list. Including the weight gain. I think I mentioned in my last post that I had gained eight pounds around Christmas. I have managed to lose seven of the eight pounds so far. I'm really not sure how since I've been slipping into some old(er) eating habits. Sometimes I wonder if I will ever be able to break 30+ years of poor eating habits. I know it is a day-by-day fight - sometimes it will be even minute by minute. Some days are easier than others, but then some days it seems to be a constant struggle with cravings and trying to comfort myself with food. 

I haven't consistently tracked my foods and nor have I been diligent with going to the gym. I was talking to someone this morning and confessed that I was struggling. For almost a year, I didn't miss a workout. I couldn't come up with an excuse good enough to not be in the gym, giving it my all. Since right around Christmas, I started slacking. I started making excuses - telling myself I didn't feel well and giving myself an out for not going. In all reality, most of the time - I just didn't want to go. What I do not understand is why? I always enjoy my workouts and I have yet to not feel better afterwards. Some days I'm sore from the workouts, but its still a good feeling. 

In the past, I've gotten to about this mark in my weight loss and I fizzle out. I start sliding backwards with the promise of "tomorrow I'll do better". I don't want to be there again. I want to be healthy. I want to continue to lose weight and get myself out of the "obese" category. As vain as it may sound, I want to feel good about myself when I look in the mirror. I want to be able to walk into any store and be able to buy things off the rack. Most of all, I want to be strong and healthy -- mentally AND physically. 

I didn't go to my water classes this morning - I had talked myself out of them. But, after confessing my struggles, I was encouraged to go. So, I was going to go and walk on the treadmill. After dressing and while putting on my shoes, I had a panic/anxiety attack about going to the gym. The thought of going to walk on the treadmill was almost too much for me. But, I fought through it. I have zero excuses not to go -- I grabbed my headphones and phone and decided I would go and walk for an entire episode of Ray Donovan which is almost an hour. I told myself I wasn't allowed to watch another episode unless I went to work out.  And, I did it! I was surrounded by people a lot more active, fit, and trim than I am. I was the only person walking, but I walked a 5k in 60 minutes. I posted this photo on Instagram/Twitter and love the support of my online (and real-life) friends. 

I have to get this under control so I'm going to revisit some of those same goals I wrote in the last post for the next seven days. I'm going to try this in bite-sized pieces: 

1. Log my food and exercise daily 
2. Cardio for 60 minutes, at least six of the next seven days
3. Strength training two days per week
4. Lose two pounds 
5. Continue to find ways to be intentional (2016 word) with my health: mental and physical

And, because sometimes I need the reminder -- this is what I looked like a year ago versus now: 

Any suggestion on keeping on track? What do you do for your emotional and physical health?