Lent: Day Three

Well, I've managed to avoid added sugar foods and simple carbs for the last two days. Last night was really difficult though. I had not planned or prepped anything for our dinner and when I picked Monster up he had been sick the night before. He asked for chicken noodle soup (from the can - GAG). We ended up being stuck by a train blocking the tracks near our home and therefore rerouted to get home -- taking about 45 minutes later than normal. In the past, I would have gone through a drive-thru but I couldn't think of anything that I wanted to eat and without added sugar/carbs [basically, I'm giving up all white starches (still eating sweet potatoes, beans and fruits)] So, I fixed Monster his chicken noodle soup and I put chicken breast and a sweet potato in the oven, grabbed two slices of deli ham, and waited for my chicken to be done. In the meantime, I complained on Twitter (as I often do) about the struggle and some friends stepped up with both recipes/meal ideas and encouragement. I managed to wait out for a good, healthy dinner: chicken, sweet potato and steamed broccoli and cauliflower. While it might seem silly to say - I was proud of myself for not giving in. Hoping to build on every good decision over the next 40 days -- maybe longer. 

Lent: Day One

Despite my religious denomination not participating in the practice(s) of Lent, I have decided to once again try to give something up that I feel has a control over my life. Two years ago, I gave up carbonated drinks and haven't looked back. Food would be the obvious answer. However, unlike other addictions, I have to have food to survive. So, I decided to dig a little deeper and see what food/s I am eating that I am using to replace feelings. I came up with both sugar and simple carbs -- basically, junk foods. For the next forty days, I am going to avoid sugar-laden foods and all white foods (eg. flour, tortillas, etc.). I have done the low-carb diet in the past and was really successful. However, I do not want to give up fruit and some vegetables, oatmeal and beans that a true low-carb diet would call for.

Not only do I hope to replace food as a way to comfort or replace feelings, I hope to drop some weight. I'm using this time as a reset button. A little more time for reflection and meaning...

Here's to day one. Are you doing anything during this season? 

Until next time...

I've been struggling...

It's obvious that I've been quiet since it's been almost a month since I've written anything. I've started a million posts in my head but the thought of opening this page and starting to write both overwhelmed and terrified me. I have been struggling in all areas of my life lately. My anxiety has been ramped up a lot -- to the point that it has woken me up a few times or kept me from falling asleep. In addition to the anxiety, I think I'm struggling with my depression - I'm not sure if it is just a seasonal sort of thing, or what. The days the weather is better and the sun is shining makes me think it may just be SAD. When researching online (I know, I know...) WebMD gave these symptoms as a result of SAD: 

• Feel sad, grumpy, moody, or anxious.
• Lose interest in your usual activities.
• Eat more and crave carbohydrates, such as bread and pasta.
• Gain weight.
• Sleep more but still feel tired.
• Have trouble concentrating.

I can check all of these off the list. Including the weight gain. I think I mentioned in my last post that I had gained eight pounds around Christmas. I have managed to lose seven of the eight pounds so far. I'm really not sure how since I've been slipping into some old(er) eating habits. Sometimes I wonder if I will ever be able to break 30+ years of poor eating habits. I know it is a day-by-day fight - sometimes it will be even minute by minute. Some days are easier than others, but then some days it seems to be a constant struggle with cravings and trying to comfort myself with food. 

I haven't consistently tracked my foods and nor have I been diligent with going to the gym. I was talking to someone this morning and confessed that I was struggling. For almost a year, I didn't miss a workout. I couldn't come up with an excuse good enough to not be in the gym, giving it my all. Since right around Christmas, I started slacking. I started making excuses - telling myself I didn't feel well and giving myself an out for not going. In all reality, most of the time - I just didn't want to go. What I do not understand is why? I always enjoy my workouts and I have yet to not feel better afterwards. Some days I'm sore from the workouts, but its still a good feeling. 

In the past, I've gotten to about this mark in my weight loss and I fizzle out. I start sliding backwards with the promise of "tomorrow I'll do better". I don't want to be there again. I want to be healthy. I want to continue to lose weight and get myself out of the "obese" category. As vain as it may sound, I want to feel good about myself when I look in the mirror. I want to be able to walk into any store and be able to buy things off the rack. Most of all, I want to be strong and healthy -- mentally AND physically. 

I didn't go to my water classes this morning - I had talked myself out of them. But, after confessing my struggles, I was encouraged to go. So, I was going to go and walk on the treadmill. After dressing and while putting on my shoes, I had a panic/anxiety attack about going to the gym. The thought of going to walk on the treadmill was almost too much for me. But, I fought through it. I have zero excuses not to go -- I grabbed my headphones and phone and decided I would go and walk for an entire episode of Ray Donovan which is almost an hour. I told myself I wasn't allowed to watch another episode unless I went to work out.  And, I did it! I was surrounded by people a lot more active, fit, and trim than I am. I was the only person walking, but I walked a 5k in 60 minutes. I posted this photo on Instagram/Twitter and love the support of my online (and real-life) friends. 

I have to get this under control so I'm going to revisit some of those same goals I wrote in the last post for the next seven days. I'm going to try this in bite-sized pieces: 

1. Log my food and exercise daily 
2. Cardio for 60 minutes, at least six of the next seven days
3. Strength training two days per week
4. Lose two pounds 
5. Continue to find ways to be intentional (2016 word) with my health: mental and physical

And, because sometimes I need the reminder -- this is what I looked like a year ago versus now: 

Any suggestion on keeping on track? What do you do for your emotional and physical health? 

14 Days In

Well, we are 14 days into the new year and I have not even come close to my refocus goal until this week and even still I'm letting my "schedule" get in the way of exercise. Being a single mom and pretty reliant on my exercise classes instead of doing things on my own, I have not made exercise a priority in these last couple of weeks. I find myself making excuses that I did not make in the last year -- I have felt myself slipping back into old habits. Even with food - eating when I'm not hungry; eating garbage foods - and, lots of it. I felt things slipping away and found myself feeling so tired and grouchy. 

After stepping on the scale Monday night, I saw that I've regained eight (8!!!!) pounds in the last month. I nearly cried. Instead, I pulled my hair into my ponytail and went on to my workout. I think that was the kick in my pants I needed to realize how easy it is to slip back to old habits -- I gave that aqua Zumba workout everything I had. Since Monday, I have tracked everything I've eaten in MyFitnessPal and exercised both Monday and Wednesday. I am realizing that I was once again eating to try to cover up feelings - my anxiety had ramped back up. I can't say that is 100% food related but I am curious about the correlation. 

I have found myself feeling guilty about foods and exercise (or, lack thereof) and I am trying to work through those feelings. I don't want to feel guilty about anything - especially food. I find that if I tell myself I "can't" have something it just makes me want it even more. I have gotten this far with just moderation/counting calories and not totally cutting certain foods out. With that comes elimination of a lot of garbage but most days, I ate really well. This week, I'm back on that thought process. 

On Saturday morning, I hope the scales will reflect the refocusing from this week. If not, I will reevaluate and continue to tweak things to find what works. I am trying to remember how far I've come since this time last year but keeping my eye on my ultimate goal of being at a healthy weight. 

January 2015

January 2016

My goals for the next thirty days: 

1. Log my food and exercise daily 
2. Cardio for 60 minutes, at least, five days per week  
3. Strength training two days per week
4. Lose ten pounds 
5. Continue to find ways to be intentional (2016 word) with my health 

Do you have goals for the next month? 

In 2016 I Purpose to...

A friend on Instagram posted a picture from Ann Voskamp's free printable for SOULutions instead of resolutions. After thinking about her prompts, here's what I came up with. I plan to print out the free printable and hang in my daily vision. I want to surround myself with positive changes for 2016.

I PURPOSE TO: 

Embrace changes

Engage fully

Be still

Believe in the good

Break negative self-talk

Daily prayers and quiet time

Do for others

Let go of past hurts and ideas of how things "should" be

Learn to love again

Live fearlessly 

Give of myself and my time

Grow in grace

What do you purpose to do? I'd love to hear your thoughts...

Been there, done that, working to never be back there again.

Weight loss is all relative - if you have 10 or 200 pounds to loose, it's not an easy task. And we all know that just because you are slim, doesn't mean you are healthy. Exercise and eating healthy are so important to everyone, regardless of your size. That said, if you are sitting there today, with the promises of the new year in front of you and you are feeling overwhelmed by the amount of weight you need to lose - know you are not alone. I have been there - heck, I'm still there. Looking at the scale in a doctor's office and wanting to die of humiliation and shame but leaving totally discouraged and hitting the nearest fast food restaurant for the biggest meal they had. Not being able to shop in a regular store - banished to Lane Bryant (and some of their clothes didn't fit) or, online shopping for the most part. I hated looking at pictures of myself and pretty much avoided the mirror from the shoulders down. I could barely walk from the parking garage to my office without being winded. It was not fun - I was depressed, anxious, lonely, and miserable. This is where I started - I'm not sure what my weight was here but goodness how I hate this picture. My little (2nd) cousin was taking the pictures and I didn't want to tell her no - but I wanted no part of this picture.

As I have said in previous posts, in the last year I only sat one set of weight loss goals and I failed with it. I just wanted to see a loss each week when I weighed myself on Saturday mornings. I didn't care if it was two ounces or ten pounds that week - of course, I was more excited/proud with the larger losses. But as long as there was a loss of any kind, I was happy. I was putting in the work and seeing the results. Before, I had looked for quick remedies and ways to lose weight without putting in the work and it never worked. Not to mention, it was (IS!) expensive. Don't get me wrong, eating healthy is not cheap. But, it can be done - even on a budget. As a single mom with no outside help/support, I can provide healthy meals for Monster and I because I choose to make it a priority. We rarely eat out - which saves us a LOT of money. I shop sales, stock up when I can - etc. We eat a lot of frozen veggies in off seasons because its so much cheaper. I also have been mindful on eating only one serving. If it is something we can eat leftovers on (eg. tacos, soups, spaghetti) I cook more but I serve our plates and we do not typically go for seconds. The majority of our plates is veggies and fruit. It has made a huge difference. Before, I would have said I don't have time, money, etc. Which was all just an excuse.

Do I sacrifice some things to make it to the gym? Absolutely but I think it is worth it. Monster has taken an interest in doing the Aqua Fitness classes with me and one of my instructors allows him to exercise with me. He is learning at an early age the importance of exercise and eating well. He notices serving sizes and calories. He knows how to make good choices. Does he get candy, etc.? Absolutely, but he gets a serving size and that's it. He drinks water - and likes it. It is important to me that he knows how to fuel his body. I don't want him to suffer from the same issues that I did as a kid and growing up.

So, if you are sitting there right now and feeling overwhelmed - make one choice today to do better. Tomorrow, add on to that - it's that simple. Baby steps -- but keep stepping. You can do this!! If I can do it - you absolutely can!

Happy New Year!

Word for 2016

Happy last day of 2015! As I said yesterday, I can't believe the year is over. I am one of those people who likes the idea of a new start with the changing of the calendar. The new year seems like the perfect opportunity to "start new" and to make changes to necessary to our lives.

The last couple of years, thanks to social media, I haven't so much made resolutions but chose a word/theme for the year and set up goals for myself. 2014 was PEACE - I was coming out of a very hard year and needed peace all the way around. 2015 was HEALTH. As I reflect on the last two years, I can see that these words/themes have rung true and helped keep me focused and grounded through the year.

The word I've chosen for 2016 is INTENTIONAL. I want to live intentionally in all aspects of my life. I want to plan and make choices that I stick to. I want to plan for the future. I want to prayerfully choose to be filled with peace and healthy. Just because it is a new year, it doesn't mean those words slip away - I plan to intentionally add them into my daily life.

Do you make resolutions? Goals? Do you have a word for 2016? Share with me! I'd love to hear what you are planning for 2016.

For I know the plans that I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans for welfare and not for calamity to give you a future and a hope. Then you will call upon Me and come and pray to Me, and I will listen to you. You will seek Me and find Me when you search for Me with all your heart.” Jeremiah 29:11-13