All in all, I should not complain too much – however, it is
my blog and I’ll do what I want. J
Kidding – sort of…in true Lisa form, I am likely going to just do a complete
word vomit and hit publish without editing it. I tend to try to silence my
thoughts if I go back to edit – to hide behind this wall. You've been warned!
2016? There have been some trials that I’ve had to endure
and I cannot say that I came out unscathed. In comparison to others in my world
(and beyond), I can still say that I am lucky and blessed to be where I am. I
think it is natural to start looking back over the last year and start planning
for the new year. Things get put on the back burner and will wait until the new
year to do this, that, or the other…two years ago, I decided I really wanted to
focus on me and being healthy. Healthy in many aspects but, I felt like my main
focus was to lose weight. As if losing weight is this magic formula to
happiness. Now, do not get me wrong, I am worlds happier in my body now than I was
two years ago. BUT, I cannot attribute that all to losing weight. I CAN,
however, attribute it to being healthier.
I don’t think it is any secret that I have really been
struggling the last few months. I started experiencing some major discomfort
with my tailbone. It hurt to sit, stand, stand-up – the only position it didn’t
hurt was lying on my side. That’s not practical so, I started physical therapy
after they found that my tailbone shifts and moves more than it should. After a
couple of months of therapy and little exercise it seemed to be getting better.
I tried to get back into my gym classes and it set me back. So, the physical
therapist side-lined me from my gym classes for a while. In the meantime, I finally
got some answers about some other health issues and underwent minor surgery in
early October to remove/shave down fibroids, a polyp and a few other items. The
recovery process for that has been slow and that was a little unexpected. I think
I’ve discussed this before but I tend to be an all or nothing kind of gal – if I’m
working out, I tend to keep my eating in check. If I’m not, I tend to revert to
my old binging habits. I am embarrassed by some of my binging episodes over the
last few months. I’d have a couple of really good days sandwiched between a lot
of really crappy, unhealthy foods. And you know what? I feel like garbage. I have
been battling headaches, bad moods, sore/stiff body (all causes of
inflammation), anxiety…and, more. Mentally, I KNOW I feel better when I’m
feeding my body good for me things – but, the emotional side tends to win. Or, I
claim I’m too busy/don’t feel well and cop out and grab fast food. The thing is
– I KNOW I can throw together a decent, healthy, meal in no time. It is all
truly that mental game.
I stepped on the scale the other night at the gym. I almost
threw my clothes back on and ran straight out of there. Discouraged is not even
a strong enough word. Pissed off may come close to some of my feelings…I am mad
at myself for gaining back about 20 pounds. Do you know how long it took me to
originally lose that 20 pounds?!? A hell of a lot longer than it took me to
gain it back. I notice the difference – especially in my clothes (dang things
shrunk!) and in my face. I do not want to go back to the weight I was before
and to be very honest, I am scared. I can write it off and blame it on being
sick/surgery/life gets in the way but for over a year there were very few
things that kept me from the gym. Even if my eating was not great, I went. I was
working out on average six days a week – most weeks seven – that is 450 minutes
of cardio/resistance training. I felt amazing – I didn’t get winded going up
and down the steps to the basement.
As I type this, I am battling a sinus/respiratory infection
and double ear infection. I have a legit reason to not be in the gym. I do not,
however, have a legit excuse to not be feeding my body all the proper foods to
help get myself better. In the time that I was doing well, I was sick a lot
less. Of course I was – I was giving my body all the proper things for a better
immune system.
Knowing all of these things, why do I tend to revert to my
slothful ways? I’m trying to figure out what voids I am trying to fill with
food. So far, I’ve come up with:
- Loneliness - I miss companionship and just doing/talking about life with someone;
- I am stressed;
- Burned out;
- Trying to control uncontrollable things;
- Rejection and the fear of rejection;
- Feeling of inadequacy;
- Depression/anxiety;
- Single parenthood and the complications with “our situation”;
- Family issues
I’m sure there are plenty more but, when I look at this list
I can see some of these items I just flat out cannot control. However, I can
control my reaction to a lot of these items. I can make goals or lists of
specific items I want to achieve. I sat through a webinar replay from Michael
Hyatt this morning on “7 Steps for Taking Control of 2017” and it was
refreshing to realize that sometimes we go about making/outlining goals for
ourselves in unrealistic ways. I took quite a few notes and I’m going to pray
over what God wants me to focus on for 2017.
All the negative aside, I have some pretty exciting and
fantastic things going on in my life. I am excited for what the end of 2016 and
2017 will bring. I pray to be open to new things and experiences. Hopeful a few
new blog posts are in me outlining my goals – I know y’all are going to be
waiting with baited breath. ;)
Until then, make the most of your days.
Blessings,
Lisa
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